I admit that I have got a history with the first My Bloody Valentine released in 1981. I must have observed it at least six times on HBO as I was making the boyhood journey thru puberty with the help of Sky Television. Even as a kid I believed it was pretty damned mad.
My Bloody Valentine 3D
My first reaction on hearing of the remake was “Why?” it was regarded as a cut rate slasher flick even then, one which I had presumed had long been forgotten. I am a tiny stunned that I really brought myself to see the remake. However, there I am wearing those damned glasses. On top of just about thinking the first was trash I am also on a private hate affair with 3-D films at the moment. I discovered that the 3-D version of Bolt I witnessed last year was aggravating as hell. Still, I have been sort of half hoping I might get to see another good 3-D film : the “good” applying to the 3-D instead of the film, but ideally both. My Bloody Valentine 3-D isn’t a good film by any stretch of the imagination. The acting borders on hideous from some of the young leads.

The plot is pretty card slasher though it gets credit for attempting to throw a murder puzzle component into the mix. However, it is with hat in hand that I need to admit, I had fun in this film.
My Bloody Valentine 3D
The 3-D is first rate.

It’s rich and tripped out for full trick effect. It’s great and does precisely what it’s intended to do for this flick. And in contrast to Bolt, it was easy on the eyes and I had no lifeless pulsing headache walking out of the theater. You get the full effect whether it is a nipple brushing against your cheek or a pick-axe hitting thru your skull. Just as beautiful is the amazing depth demonstrated in numerous scenes when things are not flying out of the screen at you. There are a few shots where the depth is just monumental. Congratulations to the 3-D effects team. The other stuff done well with My Bloody Valentine 3-D are the refreshingly good make up and digital effects. I am a film effects “tweener” to be fair. I grew up with model-work, stop and go motion animation, and matte paintings but came of age in the youth of digital. Now we are in a film industry where the photos that’s shot is just a canvas for the effects artists. This is my boring way of enlightening you that well over twelve the time I cannot tell you whether a visible effect is real or digital in a film unless I research it first. I can tell you the gore effects here are pretty damned good. Let’s get to the gore, then, shall we. After the 1st wave of slasher films in latter 1970 and early 1980s slasher flicks lost their testicles. Due to the MPAA, the drive to bring the genus into conventional profits drove many years of grisly slasher films with nearly no good gore. They stopped showing the stuff that us sickos had originally been paying to see in the hopes they could fly their sick and twisted films under the radars of the average football mom. My Bloody Valentine is a pleasant return to good old school ott picture “killin’.” We get folks cut in half, eyballs getting pushed out of their sockets and varied pieces of the anatomy not often engineered to be disassembled being ripped out of their ordinary biological configurations.
My Bloody Valentine 3D Glasses
There is no sugar coating of the violence here and I applaud the film for that. THIS is what a slasher flick should be. Violence that is so outrageous that you spend 1/2 of the film cringing and the other half giggling. For all those wasted hours watching horror flicks which will have been worthwhile if key shots had been authorized to go on for a further 2-5 seconds, we get the products in this film. In addition, we get all of the ridiculous horror film staples done to perfection. Unwarranted sex and nakedness, cheesy one liners in unfit circumstances, and inexpensive phony fake shocks.

If there’s any real bummer about the picture it’s that it actually makes a half-assed effort to build up a cut-rate murder poser that they play to the end, and in the midst of doing that, things actually start slowing down toward the second twelve the second act. As Morgan Freemen says in Shawshank Redemption, you either need to get busy livin’ or get busy dyin’ and there’s much too long of a stretch in the middle of the film where folks are too busy livin’.

But that is O.K, there truly is sufficient destruction, it just might have been paced a touch better. Even though the plotting was poorly paced, I might give them them some slight credit for keeping up the “murder mystery” thru. Granted, by the end I was pretty much only interested by seeing what new orifices may be made in a human body with a pick axe, but at least I was not a hundred percent sure who the killer was till the conclusion of the half-assed climax.

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